Three kids are somewhat close together, three friends just trying to survive. A third cookie hits him in the head, knocking him backwards, his hair going wild in slow motion. It comes out to us as a bellow of pain in war. Another kid is standing in the middle of the room when two hard as rock cookies hit him in the groin, and we see him slowly fall to his knees and yelp in pain. We see yellow goop impact across the face of a kindergartner in slow motion after it was thrown by a sixth grader. (Dramatic orchestra music is heard as we slowly pan across the cafeteria. After the initial shock, his eyes open and he looks around.) Jimmy is trying to flee, but slips on some goop and falls down, head laying in orange goop. (Food is flying everywhere and is getting everywhere. (He picks up food and throws it- at the same second, Stan had got up and was preparing to toss a cookie. He speaks in a constrained, angry voice.) Someone will die! YAHHH! Kyle- I-I can’t SEE! (He is hit by food and it makes his hat fall off. Stan- (Taking cover with Cartman behind their table.) Kyle, don’t hit me with anything and I won’t hit you. (He pushes Jenny's head into her pie she begins crying.) (Before long, the entire cafeteria is engaged in a food fight.) (He tosses his food in the general direction of the girls, smothering Red and Millie, who in turn toss more food back at Craig's table, hitting Clyde, Jimmy, and Token.) (The apple misses and hits Craig at another nearby table.) Wendy- (Walks up and crushes a milk carton in her hand, squirting it in Stan's face.) Take that, assh*le!īebe- (Tosses an apple at Cartman) Take that, fatass! Kyle- (Unable to see now, falling backwards due to force of impact.) Hey! What the hell did I do?!Ĭartman- You're a dirty rotten Jew! I don't need a reason to toss food in your face! (He tosses his tray at Cartman, getting goop all over him.)Ĭartman- You poor piece of crap! (Tosses his tray at Kenny, then grabs Stan's and smacks it in Kyle's face.) Kenny- You f*cking fatass! How dare you blame me! Stan- Ow! Watch it! (Tosses the cookie back at Bebe, but she ducks as she sees it coming this time and it hits Wendy instead) Oh shi. (Bebe throws the cookie back at Kenny, but it hits Stan instead.) (Tosses the cookie at Bebe, hitting her in the head, then whistles innocently while stirring his plastic fork around in his green goop.) Kenny- This is the best thing I've had all week!Ĭartman- That's because your family's poor, dude! But for the rest of us, this is intolerable! (Bangs his cookie on the table) This thing is hard as a rock! How am I supposed to eat this?! I could break someone's nose with this! (Glances across the cafeteria at the girls talking and giggling) Hmm.
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Kyle- Kenny! You actually like this crap?! Kenny- (Is eating the goop rather than participating in the conversation) Quit your bitching. No one to go to for advice or a suggestive song.Ĭartman- And no more salisbury steak and pecan pie! Instead, it's a choice of green goop or yellow goop, with a side of orange goop!
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things just haven't been the same around here without Chef. Stan- (Pokes his gelatin, causing it to fall flat) Ugh, I can't eat this crap!Ĭartman- No f*cking kidding! This is bull crap! Why can't they hire a decent chef here?!
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(A few moments later Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny are sitting at a table together eating some multi-colored goop.) (The line moves up and the boys enter the food distribution area of the cafeteria.) Kyle- (Angry.) Yeah, that’s not what kosher means! Even Kenny knows that, R-Tard! Kenny- That isn’t what it means, Cartman. Stan- (Not really caring, preparing himself for the horror to come.) Don’t call my mom a slut, Cartman.Ĭartman- Hey, isn’t my fault your mom is the town bicycle.Ĭartman- I think it means she is easy to rev up…turn on, you know. Random kid down the line- Don’t remind us!Ĭartman- Ha! You mom should stop being such a lazy slut and made your lunch last night like my mom does. Stan- Why are you gasping? You have to eat this too. Stan- My mom woke up too late and couldn’t make me lunch.
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Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny are standing in line, and none of them look excited, The lie is smaller and is moving quickly.) (Setting: South Park Elementary, around noon, in the cafeteria.